Hey!

In the last week, I had a similar dialogue with two different people.

The first was with a friend I was eating lunch with last Tuesday. We sat outside this cute Mexican restaurant in NoMad, and he told me about his ongoing upset that his family didn’t come here to visit him.

The dialogue was as follows:

Andee: Did you tell them?
Friend: They know.
Andee: But did you tell them?
Friend: They know.

…

…

The second conversation was with someone about their work schedule. They’re well-liked, respected, hard-working, always on time, always 100%… And they are getting what they believe is a less-than-ideal schedule.

I said, “You should say something.”

They replied about their boss, “She should know.”

…

I’ve had this conversation hundreds of times over the last few years; The dialogue of “Did you tell them?” followed by “they know” or “they should know” is often a well-disguised way of saying, “I am afraid to tell them because I am afraid of the consequences.”

Most of us are afraid to say things to people because we don't want to lose their love, be “mad at us,” or have a negative opinion about us. Maybe we’re afraid of the repercussions of self-advocacy. Most of those are created mentally and aren’t real.

Yet I’m going to tell you—keeping things inside of you is a mountain of hell energetically. You’re not going to feel well when trying to please people. It probably will just make you sick.

Also, when you deeply desire something (e.g. connection with family or a work schedule that isn’t producing enough pay for your worth) that shit is not on anyone else to rectify. It’s a very hard pill to swallow, but as my ex-boyfriend used to so eloquently tell me, “A closed mouth does not get fed.”

The truth is, most people don’t know things unless we tell them. People are not usually thinking of us, either. They’re only thinking about themselves.

So how DO we say things to communicate a point, either to get what we want, or have people truly HEAR or UNDERSTAND us…. and STILL be well-liked

Well, a lot of it comes down to simple tweaks of how we phrase things.

There’s also a finesse to the timing of when we say things.

I see this a lot, a common plight of the people-pleaser: Someone finally hits that critical mass where they “just can’t take it anymore,” and they finally tell someone how they feel, and what happens? That person just turns it back on them.

What the hell happened?

They said it in a way that gave away their power. They chose words that felt good to them, but they weren’t the right words to get their desired result.

I have decided to teach a 3-Hour LIVE Event called “Say what you MEAN *and* be well-liked!”

I don’t typically teach classes- I find that coaching is far more effective, and inner work is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING necessary to be able to advocate for yourself.

YET, there is a strategy for stuff, and I happen to have a lot of strategies when it comes to saying what I want/mean and having people still like me, respect me, and want to be around me.

In this event, I’ll be teaching chunks of that strategy and then opening it up to your specific questions.

This class is for you if you:

• Have a relationship problem, and you can’t seem to communicate your feelings
• Are being taken advantage of by a friend, boss, lover, etc
• Feel constipated with your words all the time
• Had a situation recently where you said something, and they made you out to be “the bad guy”
• You have a “they know” situation (and… did you tell them? 😉)
• You feel unheard
• You think to yourself: Why does everything always have to be “nice” or “good?!” (It doesn’t. That often feels unsafe, because it’s toxic positivity.)
• You’re tired of playing nice, but you don’t know another way
• You’ll have a full-on meltdown if someone asks you to tell them what you want to eat for dinner (Kidding but… am I?)
• You just want to know how to better stand up for yourself
• You’re a WRITER (hey, Substack) but you feel like if you write what you mean you’ll piss people off

All of these are reasons you need to be at the event.

The event is coming up on May 15 at 11:30 am Eastern, 8:30 am Pacific.

I *rarely* teach classes, so I am excited to do something new and fun. We’ll go about an hour and a half to two hours, and then I’ll open it up to Q&A around the specific issues you’re having at the moment.

OK, and SINCE I so rarely do classes, tickets for this are…

$25.

Yes $25.

That’s essentially the price of one New York City cocktail plus tip.

I’d value this at … $500.

Why? Because that’s the money you’re going to save in the next quarter of this year saying “I don’t want to” (in a charming way) to all the shit you currently waste money doing for fear of not being liked.

That’s the money you’re going to make telling your boss your schedule is shitty.

25 bucks… It’s gonna be a blast.

Click the button below to BUY A TICKET!

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$25.00 REPLAY of 3-Hour event: How To Say What You MEAN *And* Be Well Liked! 3 Hour LIVE Event, May 15, 11:30 am New York, 8:30 am Los Angeles. Zoom info to be provided via email upon purchase. A... Read more Buy the replay

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It’s gonna be way cool

*ALSO, for any of you who want to hear about something specific in the class, scenario, situation, etc, feel free to put it in the comments of this post or email me (andee AT get the fuck off D0t com) and I’ll see if I can work it into the curriculum. Sorry for the weirdness with the addy. Cyber security is garbage.

Have a great week ahead!!!

Stay beautiful

Andee